Fuck Cancer… just…fuck cancer.

[necia_phoenix]

Originally published at Necia Phoenix. You can comment here or there.

It’s a word that fills me with dread. Brings up images of hospitals, sick and weak people, and tears. Lots of tears. In ’93 my cousin died after years of fighting Leukemia. He was 10 I believe. I wasn’t close to him. But the knowledge rattled me to my core. I was 14. When I was around 19 or so I found out my father’s mother had fought a bout of breast cancer. Early  detection saved her life. A year after that, my mother’s mother did a round of radiation therapy and removal of a tumor. In 2002 My grandfather was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (I don’t know the actual diagnosis, or what type of cancer it was). Within six months he was gone. In 2008 I discovered a growth near my right nipple. It was removed and biopsied. Benign. But I was told I needed to watch, be careful pay attention to my body. With both my grandmothers having fought (and won) battles against breast cancer, it would not be unsurprising if I too wind up battling for my life against it.

Not today.

Not me.

But.

I have been following Jay Lake‘s blog for years. Quietly watching his battle with cancer. I comment, a hug here or there. But I don’t know the man, though my heart hurts for him and his family. His words from his latest blog sink deep:

I cannot cheat death, but I can cheat the terror of the disease a little by easing it for others.

 

Mother Hen, the dear lady fighting brain cancer as we speak, I know her. I talk to her. Almost daily. She is a fixture in my life. In the lives of so many. I adore her. Absolutely adore her. She is keeping upbeat and positive. Inspiring, it fills me with cheer, and sadness. I want her around a few more years. I want her to meet my kids.

I find myself floundering.

What do I say? What CAN I say?

{{hugs}} seems to be about it.

But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. It never feels like it’s enough.

I just hope it will do.

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[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

My maternal grandmother survived breast cancer, but was never the same. (This was a million years ago.)

My father died of cancer. It's hard when someone who was always so filled with energy goes from something that takes that away from them.

I just met Jay for the first time in April. Such a talented man. Such a kind person.

[necia-phoenix.livejournal.com]

I want to meet Jay if for no other reason than to give him a hug. But I don't think that is going to happen. **sigh** I can't go to his blog and walk away with dry eyes. It's like when I talk to Mother Hen in chat, I feel like weeping. They're beautiful people, I want them around longer.

Hey, totally off topic, James McDonald went ahead and approved me for the VP yahoo email list (I'm totally stunned about that, I figured they'd deny me!) I haven't commented or anything seeing as I haven't submitted(yet) or been accepted to VP or anything. I'm not sure what the proper etiquette would be and I don't want to just jump into conversation. I just thought I'd let you know I'm lurking there.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

I didn't have a lot of interaction with Jay because I'm shy, but he seemed like an awesome person and his talk was exceptional. I learned a lot and felt validated in some of my writing "procedures" at the same time.

Oh, hey, that's cool! Lately, I can't say that there's a lot of actual writing discussion. It's mostly "woo-hoo" posts when someone sells or has something happen in their writing lives. On the separate list I belong to for VPXV, which I attended, sometimes folks ask for beta reads, too. Our class used to have a place we posted work for critique and such, but that kinda went by the wayside.

I'm looking for some new places that discuss actual writing and queries and such. (I belong to a couple that have requirements like being traditionally published or attending events like VP, but I don't always feel comfortable posting in those.) If I find a good group/mailing list/etc., I'll let you know.

[necia-phoenix.livejournal.com]

That's good re:validation. You're a great writer. Believe it :D

I noticed the woohoos and I hesitated adding my congrats cause, well I'm new and unknown and..and... :P


Here is the trad section at the new FM site http://www.fmwriters.com/zoomfm/index.php/forum/traditional-publishing

I don't know how active it is though. There are some critique groups but I'm really not involved in those.

I'm taking the Before you hit send workshop,
http://nicemommy-evileditor.com/before-you-hit-send/

which I'm totally stoked about. I've heard some good things about it, and it's all online.

Thanks. I appreciate it. :)

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I think I used to be a better writer than I am now, but I've never believed I was great. :)

I understand. Really I do.

Oh, cool. Thanks for the links. And, that looks like a great class! I hope you enjoy it.